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Qumulo Million Dollar Mug Campaign

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How to Save Millions Over Coffee

I know what you’re thinking – this is just another clickbait article. But trust me. These four simple steps may well save you millions. Let’s start with four simple steps. After that, I’ll explain why this works (it’s pretty funny).

Step One: We start with a simple mug (see the image below). All you have to do is put this mug on your desk. Make sure the Qumulo logo faces away from you.

Step Two: Invite your legacy storage vendor’s sales rep for coffee “to discuss the account.” Be as vague as you can be (you want the rep to worry). Use your “ominous” voice for extra points. 

Step Three: When the rep comes to your office, make sure you take long sips from your Qumulo mug. Look satisfied when you do. Saying mmm-mmm-good is a nice touch. Watch the sales rep sweat uncomfortably. Don’t rush this step — it’s fun! After all, they’ve been doing this to you for years!

Step Four: Get an offer from D… well, you know who… for a big discount on your refresh.

Wait, what? This ploy works for one simple reason: Your legacy storage vendor knows Qumulo beats them, hands down. Without question. Every time.

Why?  Because, first, Qumulo runs ANYWHERE. In addition to on-premises (using hardware of your choice), we run on all major cloud environments (AWS, Azure and GCP).  We also run on VMs at the edge. Your legacy storage vendor’s software only runs on the hardware they sell – this means their customers are locked into outdated hardware that is more expensive and slower to adapt. And, they don’t really run in the cloud – they have a kludgy “cloud-adjacent” model that is far from optimal.

Second, Qumulo is SO MUCH SIMPLER in SO MANY WAYS:

  • An API-first approach to automate workflows and integrate with other systems to simplify management
  • Real-time analytics to know what’s happening with your data with no complicated treewalks
  • Rapid response, zero-latency support just a DM away
  • Non-disruptive upgrades minimize unplanned downtime 
  • Continuous replication with near-zero RTO
  • Manage hundreds of nodes, multiple petabytes of data and billions of files in a single namespace

Are you skeptical that your legacy storage vendor might even care about Qumulo? Did you know they have a “Kill Qumulo” desk? Once your rep gets wind that you’re talking to us, they swing into action. Their secret weapon? Massive price cuts. Actually, that’s their ONLY weapon.

Of course, if your legacy storage vendor is that afraid of Qumulo, maybe you should take a look. Call us to schedule an introductory call. We’ll show you the stuff you’ve been missing all these years that is worth millions. And, if nothing else, you’ll get a cool mug!

For more on this Magic Mug:


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